This is in response to a blog at BellBajao.org; the link is below the blog. For the benefit of Reader, the whole Post has been produced here.
This guy gave me false promise of marriage and for almost 3 years he used me emotionally, physically and financially. From day one even before commitment I told him about my past that I’m a widow and have a daughter of 17 years old so there might be complications later and I am not in stage to take any kind of stress.
But still the guy forwarded his hand towards me. To gain more of my trust he took me to his parents and told them as well that he was willing to marry me. His parents without knowing or questioning me agreed to it and blessed me and told me not to leave their son. They gave me so much of love, care and respect that I was really happy and even my daughter was happy about it.
We used to often go for lunch and dinner and lots of shopping but all the bills were always paid by me. I started taking care of every body’s needs in the guy’s family, I gave them expensive gifts in occasions as I considered just as my family.
The guy wanted some time to get a nice job and settle down in his career before we could marry. He was not satisfied with his job so he was forever in search of a better job. In just one year he changed 3 jobs. Seeing him in trouble and stress I never felt like bothering him with other finances and focussed on working hard for our future.
I was earning pretty well so whatever his family needed I use to get them and I was supporting him even with his past dues like car loan instalments, personal loans and his credit card bills so that his his dues were clear. I decided to not involve my family until all this was clear. I also didn’t involve my parents because I knew they will be against the relationship as he was a Muslim and me a Punjabi girl, moreover I’m mature enough to take my lifes decisions.
Years passed by but he was never satisfied with his jobs, eventually I started asking him about marriage. His words were same as always, that he wants to settle down first. I started to worry and my health was also falling. I stopped giving him and his family financial support to check what was the real deal about.
Needless to say, they changed drastically. He denied to get married and his parents told me on my face very bluntly that he is not prepared for marriage, they said, Its not you but he doesn’t want to marry anyone.
I was shocked and shattered I was suffering so much and even my daughter was totally broke. I got a case registered against him and his family for false promises of marriage and on the guy for rape. Now it has been a month that he is in prison and in a month they applied for bail twice in Delhi District Court Patiala House which was dismissed.
They deny a marriage on the grounds that I am not able to manage time between him and my office.
Along with the guy his parents were also a part of this game. They must have told their son to get a girl who has money so that she can fulfil all their requirements financially and satisfy him physically and when he will get bored he could throw the girl you out and wait for the next victim. His mother told me 1st day not to leave her son because in the past two female have dumped him and he was very much hurt. She forgot to mention that when their son wants to leave then I must move away.
My question is, is there no law for these kind of parents who play these games hurt a girl’s emotions. They are just like pimps, what punishment is to be given to such parents? And I want to know what can be the result in this type of cases?
He had a good time with me with no intention of getting married. After using me for 3 years he suddenly started looking for a virgin sati savitri type female to get married, after 3 years he changed his mind, not me, then why should only I suffer alone?
I really want to know the views of this blogs readers, through their comments on my situation – this false promises of marriage by men who are so frustrated for sex and have no fear in giving false commitment and keeping a girl in dark and pretend as future husband and later talking badly about her character in court room to save himself – What should be done to them?
To try & express what has happened to her in words is beyond my capacity. This happens to be yet another ugly facet of our Society towards women? What a shame it is to treat a woman as an object of (mis) use & then get rid of her like plague.
I couldn’t muster up enough courage to even react when I read this blog. It took me some time before I could talk about it & ask my friends their view.
That’s right, the man & his family wanted to rest the burden of their being & finances on someone else; who else be better than a lady since she happens to be far more emotional creature than a man? That the man was dumped twice earlier, was only an emotional bait- may I ask you who would anyways need a parasite- even if it were true? May be we ourselves need to close our eyes on “struggling-to-get-a-good-job-men”. Anyways, she herself doing financially well, should have certainly not agreed for this “ever wanting a good job man”; what’s the guarantee anyways? Alibis are huge; it’s not possible to always put someone under a magnifier or scanner since it’s a relationship. Yet, when we get so stringent looking for our daughter’s match; then, why do we lower the bars for our ownselves?
I am really sorry to learn that a woman who is independent (in a well earning job), really needs to get played in hands of such ticks? Maybe because the man knew or had established the fact that no matter what, he could always trick her for the securities that a Marriage in our Society provides (sad). Rude however it may sound; we have to, but have to keep our senses open & out to such signals which would give the faintest of the notes of the real thing. As a matter of practice, we need to socialize & introduce our boy- friends or spouses whatever they may be called- out to everyone around.
At the same time, the lady has immense courage to disrobe him in public & legally; I salute her.
Maybe we should ask for a pre- nuptial agreement next time someone proposes.
Not to mention that she must have been feeling left all cheated. I won’t even dare to write how much & what all, because writing them would only reduce her to a “poor woman”, & would not help her in any manner that is so required at this point.
While we all now have learnt it the hard way “What to (& what not) do”, “The early signs” or “How to prevent it from happening”, can we please find out about the proceedings & the details as is recorded in the Court? To comment upon or suggest any helping avenue, the details are needed. In-depth knowledge of the matter & case as is filed is required for anyone to look into & offer Legal Support or Advice. If she has battled it all by herself till here; she needs to now know that we are to help her. & it’s no favor, only an initiave towards the betterment of our own future.
Woman needs a MAN enough to be called one & not another yet to be born Baby who needs to be looked after.
These miscreants should be forbidden to conjugate for their remaining life period..
Please, its a human cry, gather all & fight against yet another evil of our Civilized Culture & Society..!!
An Afternote on: The comment posted below by “dock24”
- It seems the comment is more by the lady herself whose matter has been discussed here instead of anyone close to her.
- No such Blog ID exits anymore on WordPress.
- Irrespective of the fact that who may have posted it- She has to move on.
Taking this man to task is just fine- and this is exactly how it ought to be. But since, the comment seems more to be suggesting a settlement with the man in question; I say this. Would she be able to “settle” down with the same manipulator forgiving him? To even think about that would mean siding with this man. Eventually whatever he has done; as we know of- is out of any definition of being a reasonable human being much less a supporter or provider. He is already painted black- he should be left alone to serve his doomed destiny.
For all other women out there– please take a lesson for yourselves of such arrangements, blind faith and our Judiciary. Till such time that our Laws are re- defined or may become little more victim friendly (that may take infinity number of years), kindly set your priorities right. And anyways, Law and Order can not ever compensate for your lost years and emotions.
The feeling of “having being used physically” is bound to set on mind after such mishaps. Unfortunately, this is not new; only the victim has been bold enough to take it up and further.
Kindly don’t allow anymore of this happen to you.