LSD- Love, Sex and Dhokha; False Promise of Marriage

This is in response to a blog at BellBajao.org; the link is below the blog. For the benefit of Reader, the whole Post has been produced here.
This guy gave me false promise of marriage and for almost 3 years he used me emotionally, physically and financially. From day one even before commitment I told him about my past that I’m a widow and have a daughter of 17 years old so there might be complications later and I am not in stage to take any kind of stress.
But still the guy forwarded his hand towards me. To gain more of my trust he took me to his parents and told them as well that he was willing to marry me. His parents without knowing or questioning me agreed to it and blessed me and told me not to leave their son. They gave me so much of love, care and respect that I was really happy and even my daughter was happy about it.
We used to often go for lunch and dinner and lots of shopping but all the bills were always paid by me. I started taking care of every body’s needs in the guy’s family, I gave them expensive gifts in occasions as I considered just as my family.
The guy wanted some time to get a nice job and settle down in his career before we could marry. He was not satisfied with his job so he was forever in search of a better job. In just one year he changed 3 jobs. Seeing him in trouble and stress I never felt like bothering him with other finances and focussed on working hard for our future.
I was earning pretty well so whatever his family needed I use to get them and I was supporting him even with his past dues like car loan instalments, personal loans and his credit card bills so that his his dues were clear. I decided to not involve my family until all this was clear. I also didn’t involve my parents because I knew they will be against the relationship as he was a Muslim and me a Punjabi girl, moreover I’m mature enough to take my lifes decisions.
Years passed by but he was never satisfied with his jobs, eventually I started asking him about marriage. His words were same as always, that he wants to settle down first. I started to worry and my health was also falling. I stopped giving him and his family financial support to check what was the real deal about.
Needless to say, they changed drastically. He denied to get married and his parents told me on my face very bluntly that he is not prepared for marriage, they said, Its not you but he doesn’t want to marry anyone.
I was shocked and shattered I was suffering so much and even my daughter was totally broke. I got a case registered against him and his family for false promises of marriage and on the guy for rape. Now it has been a month that he is in prison and in a month they applied for bail twice in Delhi District Court Patiala House which was dismissed.
They deny a marriage on the grounds that I am not able to manage time between him and my office.
Along with the guy his parents were also a part of this game. They must have told their son to get a girl who has money so that she can fulfil all their requirements financially and satisfy him physically and when he will get bored he could throw the girl you out and wait for the next victim. His mother told me 1st day not to leave her son because in the past two female have dumped him and he was very much hurt. She forgot to mention that when their son wants to leave then I must move away.
My question is, is there no law for these kind of parents who play these games hurt a girl’s emotions. They are just like pimps, what punishment is to be given to such parents? And I want to know what can be the result in this type of cases?
He had a good time with me with no intention of getting married. After using me for 3 years he suddenly started looking for a virgin sati savitri type female to get married, after 3 years he changed his mind, not me, then why should only I suffer alone?
I really want to know the views of this blogs readers, through their comments on my situation – this false promises of marriage by men who are so frustrated for sex and have no fear in giving false commitment and keeping a girl in dark and pretend as future husband and later talking badly about her character in court room to save himself – What should be done to them?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

To try & express what has happened to her in words is beyond my capacity. This happens to be yet another ugly facet of our Society towards women? What a shame it is to treat a woman as an object of (mis) use & then get rid of her like plague.

I couldn’t muster up enough courage to even react when I read this blog. It took me some time before I could talk about it & ask my friends their view.

That’s right, the man & his family wanted to rest the burden of their being & finances on someone else; who else be better than a lady since she happens to be far more emotional creature than a man? That the man was dumped twice earlier, was only an emotional bait- may I ask you who would anyways need a parasite- even if it were true? May be we ourselves need to close our eyes on “struggling-to-get-a-good-job-men”. Anyways, she herself doing financially well, should have certainly not agreed for this “ever wanting a good job man”; what’s the guarantee anyways? Alibis are huge; it’s not possible to always put someone under a magnifier or scanner since it’s a relationship. Yet, when we get so stringent looking for our daughter’s match; then, why do we lower the bars for our ownselves?

I am really sorry to learn that a woman who is independent (in a well earning job), really needs to get played in hands of such ticks? Maybe because the man knew or had established the fact that no matter what, he could always trick her for the securities that a Marriage in our Society provides (sad). Rude however it may sound; we have to, but have to keep our senses open & out to such signals which would give the faintest of the notes of the real thing. As a matter of practice, we need to socialize & introduce our boy- friends or spouses whatever they may be called- out to everyone around.

At the same time, the lady has immense courage to disrobe him in public & legally; I salute her.

Maybe we should ask for a pre- nuptial agreement next time someone proposes.

Not to mention that she must have been feeling left all cheated. I won’t even dare to write how much & what all, because writing them would only reduce her to a “poor woman”,  & would not help her in any manner that is so required at this point.

While we all now have learnt it the hard way “What to (& what not) do”, “The early signs” or “How to prevent it from happening”, can we please find out about the proceedings & the details as is recorded in the Court? To comment upon or suggest any helping avenue, the details are needed. In-depth knowledge of the matter & case as is filed is required for anyone to look into & offer Legal Support or Advice. If she has battled it all by herself till here; she needs to now know that we are to help her. & it’s no favor, only an initiave towards the betterment of our own future.

Woman needs a MAN enough to be called one & not another yet to be born Baby who needs to be looked after.

These miscreants should be forbidden to conjugate for their remaining life period..

Please, its a human cry, gather all & fight against yet another evil of our Civilized Culture & Society..!!

On the question of sex with false promise of marriage

An Afternote on: The comment posted below by “dock24”

  • It seems the comment is more by the lady herself whose matter has been discussed here instead of anyone close to her.
  • No such Blog ID exits anymore on WordPress.
  • Irrespective of the fact that who may have posted it- She has to move on.

Taking this man to task is just fine- and this is exactly how it ought to be. But since, the comment seems more to be suggesting a settlement with the man in question; I say this. Would she be able to “settle” down with the same manipulator forgiving him? To even think about that would mean siding with this man. Eventually whatever he has done; as we know of- is out of any definition of being a reasonable human being much less a supporter or provider. He is already painted black- he should be left alone to serve his doomed destiny.

For all other women out there– please take a lesson for yourselves of such arrangements, blind faith and our Judiciary. Till such time that our Laws are re- defined or may become little more victim friendly (that may take infinity number of years), kindly set your priorities right. And anyways, Law and Order can not ever compensate for your lost years and emotions.

The feeling of “having being used physically” is bound to set on mind after such mishaps. Unfortunately, this is not new; only the victim has been bold enough to take it up and further.

Kindly don’t allow anymore of this happen to you.

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11 responses to “LSD- Love, Sex and Dhokha; False Promise of Marriage

  1. Dear Ollie,
    I really felt your words here.. especially..”At the same time, the lady has immense courage to disrobe him in public & legally; I salute her.”
    Although what I am about to write here has been one of my deepest darkest secret (it is not related to your blog)
    Your blog talks about outsiders.. I want to share incidents from my growing up years..
    LOVE-SEX & DHOKA: Both my parents were in the army. My mother being a doctor always had a very hectic schedule and uncertain work hours. Her in-laws were never supportive , hence my maternal uncle( her real brother was asked to stay with us. Our house was always full of servants, hence the need of ‘some-one from the family’ to take care of my sister and myself. Who would LOVE us
    My uncle( Mother’s real brother) was a bloody SEX maniac. He would masturbate in front of me and apply the cum on my face, at that time i dint exactly know what was happening.
    Luckily for me, I wasn’t raped. Unlike so many unfortunate boys and girls who are victims , whose trust has been broken- DHOKHA.
    Whose fault was it? Mine I guess…
    Till date I haven’t got the courage to speak up and tell my parents..and even as I write this , I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes blurring.

    • Dearest Sonia,

      First things first.. You are brave- very brave- so don’t hold it against yourself any more..
      Not many find courage to share such things and I am happy for you that you did break the pattern my commenting here..
      At least you opened up today if not earlier..!!

      It may sound sad but often the relatives are the sickest of the people that we may ever have known- my uncle- cousin maternal uncle included! Likewise, I too wasn’t forced upon.. But scarred under memories..

      Yes, you should have voiced it out the way I had (and had stopped communicating with him ever since.) Then again, don’t breed it in your head. We’ll talk about it when we meet- if that is okay with you.. This needs to be straightened up once for all.. I would have for sure talked it out with mom.. even if it may be today.. Just think over..

      I know this feeling well. My dad too had often made me feel uncomfortable until he abandoned us.. Just relax.. go easy on yourself. You have definitely taken the worse, don’t be hard on yourself anymore.. smile.. xx

  2. Very Interesting!
    Thank You!

  3. i like your blog. I really feel for you and what you went through. Unfortunately these men do exist so do their parents. I was in love with someone who was in and out of our house, a family friend and best friend of my brother’s. Much older than him he lied to me for 7years. I can only tell the young girls don’t trust any sweet talking guys. Hope you’ll be able to overcome your problem with the help and support of your friends. I salute you for fighting such people. More women should do the same fight don’t keep it in we should not accept that we’re victims. We didn’t do anything wrong.

    • Dear Amira,

      Very sweet of you to be posting the comment. I wrote for BellBajao for a short period of time. I had picked this news up from them and put my thoughts for the woman who had undergone the trouble.. I hope you understand this is not my story YET.

      I am collecting my story in a different Blog- http://oliviasbiopiclog.wordpress.com/. Please feel free to visit at your convenience and comment.

      Warm Ragards,
      Olivia

  4. Hi, I love your blog. This is a cool site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, good job! Thanks MiMi

  5. Pingback: Apply for Job @ your own Risk | Olivia writes here..

  6. Hi ,it is so weird that a entire family who knew all about a women and her daughter but gave the wrong impression to her in that way that any person can judge and accept as true the intention was so dangerous that till now that women who had not a soul next to her excluding her daughter is in mental trauma and terror of the threats and she was the only earning person and was looking after her daughter and the family was only with her for there own desires and took good advantage by giving her false promises of marriage and familiarizing each person as his other half and daughter as his own and concerning to marriage until the end the excuses were his career as he wasn’t satisfied with the job and was changing it frequently as he gets satisfying and stable job with good wages he without delay would marry her so that he can take care of both mother and daughter and he never wanted his future wife to work as she was a working women and entire family took her in confidence this carried on till 3years .The guy used her mentally, physically and the main purpose was financially. Now when the purpose got solved the entire family dragged her out from there house and was embarrassed to recognize her women was out of breath watching this behaviour and she got case registered as rape. The guy in behind the bar from last 3months but she says when she has all the evidence to prove he promised her for marriage and she had been getting threats from the family so why the law lord of Delhi high court is taking favour of the accused and why is he called as innocent in the courtyard when giving the proof of there threats why release the guy and for what ?that is a big torture for her when she is asking for protection till her statement gets recorded in the courtyard why law lord is pointing him as innocent . Why the law lord cannot wait? Why is he ignoring the things? Why is he feeling sorry for the guy? Why is he not paying attention towards the women victim what she wants to say? And why is he not taking her words seriously? And sitting ready to grant bail. This can put her and her daughter in danger. She is listening to the abusive words and getting insulted every second in the court room from the accused defender and honourable judge showing sympathy towards the accused, you all have no idea what that women must be going through this is not justified every 2nd day the date is extended so that itself it a torture and then she is disrespected and so much, and in mental trauma, again the date got extended for one day ,Is this case to give her more pain and make her suffer more. If Law lord will show sympathy in favour of accused what will victim go through? Putting mother and daughter life on risk the accused will be granted bail just because he is been punished enough as he is in the jail from last 3months Is he comparing 3months with her 3years . For entire family 3years were a purpose to misuse her and now ashamed to accept her. But Why?? Is she not from our society and no one is there to stand by her, but think about the women and her daughter. Should we salute the law lord and police saying we are not aware of the threat letter the photocopy of the letter is with the women along the signature and stamp of the police officer? Should the judiciary grant a bail or wait till the victim women give her statement in the court??

  7. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian

  8. LSD is not new evil into society but had been silent all these years, now it is out and i feel those dreadful double faces should be pulled out and exposed to the society..that all should know what will be the outcome.

    • Dear Rajish,

      I totally agree with you & exactly thats the reason why this Post is here in my Blog Space. Unfortunately not many people come out in open- given the fact how our Society is to women.. esp. the one who is a victim!!
      I wish more women gather courage & expose these miscreants..

      I have taken up a personal task to put these acts in my Blog wherever I come aware of from..

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