I included a post on Menstruation (that’s right) in my other blog just about yesterday- without even dropping the word or terminologies used to refer this “bloody affair”. I was not too sure of how the readers would react, and hence, had gone a little soft on content; also, since I had included that post under my biography writes. To my utter surprise and a pleasant one at that, My Comment Box reflected a red circle with 1 written on it just after a few hours. I clicked the link and read, what has now motivated me to post the original content- that was in my mind, about this Social Issue, which is rather a Criminal Evil; one, that robs the girl child of her innocence and scars a woman’s thought process permanently. While now most of us have begun to indulge in gossip sessions, and ridicule our Society so openly, we are still far away from instilling the very values in our own homes (to begin with atleast). I could understand- my Domestic’s surprising and stunned look- when I had enquired about her elder daughter’s hitting the period yet; but not what you would read below. For everyone reading this post, I made her see the point and made her talk to her daughter and equip her in advance; Nagina is now a confident girl and didn’t cry and quiver in shame when it “happened” to her after a couple of months. Yes, I was somewhat happy to have broken the pattern; but that’s not enough, and I know it.
When I browse through my LIS friends List in Facebook, I see most of them being married and with a kid if not two. These women are the same class- mates or my Lady Irwin School fellows who shied (and shooed me) away at the first mention of guys or sex or any such remotest thing! Back then “sex” was only referred to describe our Sexual Identity (which I now think of as the most obsolete way to identify a human being– such a system is only to supplicate to male’s advantage). As a matter of record- I am single with a brief period of being into a relationship over 5 years back. I find it tough to really find a MAN (enough) to understand my views and offer companionship instead of having me to compromise- but that’s another story please.
This is what I want to say- When all we do is grow up and get married (or get committed and indulge in sexual encounters- which is but natural), and may or not make kids; why do we feel so embarrassed to talk about these subjects while growing up? Don’t kill me over this my friends; I have tried asking it framed in a very subdued, soft and milder manner. The reason may be IGNORANCE- not on children’s part, but on their parents and our Society’s thoughts over some very- very important, day-to-day basic facts. No matter how well we may have dug up the Mohen- Jo- Daro’s remains, in our ethnicity, we still are beyond the Harappan Culture or whatever the 1st sign of civilization may have been- i.e., we have not let ourselves evolve since BC to AD. We still exist in BC- “Backward Civilization” and follow “Backward Culture- values” and hence dwell in “Backward Colonization”. It is ironical to note it here, that while we worship our Goddess (es) and Mother Mary as the ultimate Woman- ly form, what respect do we show to fellow females in our real lives; if at all i.e.,? Pseudo Culture theory would explain it all. We all keep our “mortal prides” afar to fold our palms in front of an effigy or photo- frame, but never let the female gender come up in open, and let (alone) breathe.
Ability to re- produce and to become a reprogenerator is associated with the most special and honorary ability even by the Contractors of our Societal Norms (read: orthodox, constricted and narrow- minded “visionaries” who harbor a myopic approach to everything that should have been regarded as one of the most important things of all. They comprise of Culture and Morality Cops who subscribe to the most inhumanly behavior towards women; the definition or depiction of such values and its source still remains un- authenticated). Keeping in mind what I just mentioned about that “extra ability” of a woman, what do you think marks her womanhood- her ability to conceive, to bring forward another life through her own “blood” (literally) and body, or her being passionate about kids in general? It’s her ability to menstruate when she hits puberty!
A girl in her growing up years is often misunderstood as being shy and quiet when she actually may be in the process of “growing up”. Every kid senses it- if boys pick up on awkward questions that often tend to only embarrass his parents and are never answered- properly, if at all, girls too realize the take on “such subjects” far too early. For many of us Hormones may be a chapter under Human Anatomy; there are flushes of those already gushing inside her body making her feel highly awkward and uncomfortable. She may not know what “mood swings” may be, neither do her parents understand that or even try. Just how conveniently her mother forgets her own experienced unease. Her upper torso begins to become fuller, while inside it, she actually may be undergoing a throbbing pain in her breasts- to become. They become so sensitive, that even the slightest of the unwarned touch leaves her aching. If only the boys were also taught about the same thing at the same age, they may be able to relent touching the girls in inquisitiveness; I am not including the PERVERTS here.
We may have become open in letting girls study in co- education schools, which I again believe happens only in Public Schools and not in Government Schools; we still have not begun the Education (charity) at home. Not to mention that such an arrangement of education, as in Government Schools, only reflects upon our Social Upstanding. We have no more time to waste and rather should “prepare” our girls and boys to become better women and men. This may be one way to curb those temporary incestuous relationships among siblings- who only wish to explore the 1st available sample to them; but, if only both of them were sat in a formal talk over menstruation and masturbation. I still read the questions to Dr. Kavan Lakdawala as- if masturbating is “dangerous” to health or the “right thing” to practice and “morally correct..”
How many of us don’t dry our lingeries under- cover? Even I do. For crying out loud, aren’t we just Human Forms too, and may have our own required way of dressing up? WE DO!! Just a sight of drying underwear or that lacy brassiere may spark erotica- right? Well, then that’s natural. I am not advocating upon “bare all- show all”, but asking- that why doesn’t the boxer shorts advertisement blush you? Why don’t you change the channel quickly upon appearance of such an advertisement on your television? Why is it no big deal for men underwear hanging up on the line the 1st thing when you enter someone’s home? eauuuh.. While it’s but natural to be not displaying your daughter’s inner-wears across your house, she should not be given that cocky look if she accidentally drops one while carrying those from the line to her room. Please don’t make her dry them inside the washrooms. Indians as I know of them, don’t really have 5 star rated washrooms, anyways. And even if they do, that’s a place to cleanse or release and not to dry up things. Even the most swabbed mopping material gets to see the day and sun light to dry itself. Ditto for boys- lets just start giving them a restrained look that they are not supposed to be playing around in and with their boxers openly or at all. They too need to be discreet about those.
While talking of lingerie’s, the girls’ underwear develops that white worn look after a few weeks. That’s the 1st sign of that she would be hitting her “periods” soon. So mothers really can’t conjure up that they were just not warned. Oh they are kids- they may not be able to handle “such” information right now. If they are able to handle the situation practically, which they all do in reality; they can even in theory a few weeks before- try, please. There’s just no other way. By not talking about something that is as substantial as that, and one that would happen to her for the bigger portion of her life; you are making her believe the same orthodox values as your ownself. The Panty Liners is something that we don’t use even now- is it the cost factor or the lack of knowledge for hygiene and hence requirement? How practical it is to run to the washroom for your daughter when she is in her school or even otherwise to clean herself? Poor girl, she ends up developing unmentionable rashes wearing that stiffened cloth that her underwear becomes over a period of time. Both vaginal discharge and blood stains that never washes away, make it become worse than a mopping duster at the gusset area of her pants. Do winged pads really help, do they? Let’s just not leave that angel with her newly found woman hood related implications alone.
“Vagina” is not a word to shift your focus from- to look somewhere else- uselessly. Please, that’s what makes the sexual act so pleasurable; and practical for a woman to conceive. Why not kindly educate your daughter about that Vaginitis? Well, I had to add that word in my Windows Word dictionary and how pathetic was that..!! That’s one of the most common occurring infections that gets triggered even due to climatic conditions. Atleast, this way she would know that why its’ after sex last night, that she had developed that itching so bad- change of condom brand may be. Now, why did I even mention about a condom? Men still think that to be as less than whole experience- if their sex organ is enveloped inside one. God bless since we don’t have enough sensory nerves within our vagina; or else. It’s only flesh and yet another part in female anatomy; and not any miraculous and out of the world projection or occurrence; however, a comet is. Take note of how important a body part it is in both human reproduction and to one’s own sexual sustenance; and yet we have completely closed our discussions far far away from the topic. Why have you forgotten how dreadful and un- acceptable it was to you the 1st time? I am referring to sex here. Let they not be left alone or out anymore only to learn about that after their 1st painful intercourse, and often after their marriages.
I just marvel about our present day education system.. It teaches all about Tung Dynasty (do you even remember?) and Hitler’s dictatorship or Marx’s Communist ideas to our freedom fight and attaining success; only we haven’t been able to celebrate our independence yet. We are chained and caged in our age- old, decaying and molded practices of denying ourselves of knowledge of the basic human body requirements and implications. Do you recall how many members were to sit in Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha? Once again, Women Empowerment would have to start from the grass root level and not as a ready to be served “reserved seats” once she has fought it all by herself and already reached there.
May I add up that Domestic Violence may not be confined to her inlaws place alone? I am not talking of broken homes or child abuse yet. Isn’t this violative that you restrict her information and lock all channels of her possible sources of knowledge about sex and menstruation? We don’t hesitate to go ahead and make a public display of our pregnant belly everywhere around in the circle of our movement- why the very facts that lead to this bloated abdomen are kept hidden like don’t know whose secrets? “Victoria’s Secrets” may be emphasizing on “Victoria’s” secret; but it doesn’t have to be secretive anymore- its just fine to be open about those.
To me, it seems as if we have been denied completely on all levels to celebrate our womanhood. I don’t think that after a girl is married, even her mother-in-laws wish to educate the demure girl, I mean her daughter-in-law (only in law i.e.,) While talking of sex, menstruation and masturbation, it’s certainly not possible to not talk of marriage, in-laws or our much in rave- the “societal contractors”. Like who decides what is to be done? And why do we agree to observe and become followers of such disciplines? We waste 2 or 3 plus 12 years in making ourselves school graduate, when most of us – would start a family and lead a life, whereby, to earn for the whole family only with an average or at times more than average job; and yet, not whisper about how family happens in all those growing up years. Even the ones who “make it up till there” and later “arrive”, do observe a normal sexual life; that’s right- it’s like breathing or sleeping and getting tired after hard work. Yet, we don’t talk about what we should have about; the 1st thing when our kids start to realize the finer nuances of life. Now, isn’t this as denying one of celebrating human- hood or whatever the term may be?
Let us first become civilized and uncharted ourselves and talk in humanitarian language; and then concentrate upon learning Marathi or to insist upon speaking in a particular language in Foreign Delegations.
Do you think we would ever come-up with an Ad like this..?
And this ones a great work towards this humongous task of re- erasing the notion and clean the air. Click